some truths...

I am so awkward when talking to the opposite sex...it's painful. I've been single for most of my adult life and the few relationships I have been in since becoming a parent have been so short, they can barely even be categorized as "relationships". I don't know how to talk about myself or what I want...because I genuinely don't know. 

I gave up on the dream of marriage and a life long partner along time ago. When my daughters were younger, I can admit I had the naive idea that maybe they would have a step dad someday who would love them like they were his own and we could expand our family. That dream got crushed when I had my hysterectomy last year and I can no longer have children. That hit me hard. I'm not able to have anymore kids....

I turn down dates with men who don't have kids, especially younger, instantly. I have no future to offer them.