Just a few minutes...

My eyes open to the warmth of the sun glistening into view like spiderwebs in morning dew. Everything fragmented. Puzzle pieces. "Damn, I need new glasses" I thought to myself. My lenses have been scratched for months. My eyes - hurting for longer. It took me a few seconds to realize I had fallen asleep. Sitting in a chair on my porch. Zelda was still talking to me and playing with her Barbies like nothing happened. "Oh no! The dog jumped in", as she plunged a blue plastic dog into the pool full of naked barbies and seashells, causing water to fly everywhere and a few drops hit the cat. She went flying under my chair - like I was going to rescue her from the tsunami.

I feel steady streams of sweat down my neck. Down my arms. But not on my hands. The tingling is back.The numbness is back. My hands are asleep and, if it's anything like last time i had this sensation, it will last a few weeks. Steadily getting more painful and more annoying. I had a month long respite from having to guess my way through hot and cold. From hiding the weakness and pain. "Oh well, it was great while it lasted" I glanced at my legs - yoga pants sticking to them. I wiggled my toes. The bright pink nails danced up and down. At least the pain hadn't yet spread to my feet. I didn't feel like admitting to needing a cane.

I blinked a few times, still trying to adjust my view through the scratches and then stood up. I was dizzy. But not dizzy enough to sit back down. I took a small step and opened the screen door. Trixie, the cat, hurdled over my feet. "Mommy, do I have to go in?" Zelda asked. I turned to look at her. The humidity in the air kept her blond hair still. Her mouth upturned at the corners - waiting for an answer. It was like time stood still. A photograph. "No, I'm just getting some water" She smiled and went back to playing.

It took a moment for my eyes to adjust from the bright sun to the dark living room. I walked toward the kitchen. I really needed water. My throat has not recovered from the weeks of pneumonia and the daily coughing fits I still have. Nothing eases them. Nothing truly soothes my throat. Ice cold water is a temporary fix and any relieve - even if only for a few minutes - is amazing.  I chugged my water and breathed in the cold air from the fridge. I closed my eyes. Mentally I drifted. "Mommy!!" I jerked my eyes open and swung around - panicked. "Can I have a snack?". Zelda smiled. "What?.....Yes" 

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It's rough. It's incomplete. I decided the best way to get back into writing was to just write what happens daily. Simple things. Relive random moments.