that old bar poem....

Years ago, in a time that feels like another life, I used to write. Alot. Before I had kids. Before I had a brain cyst. I keep finding random old poems...or just a few lines. It makes me sad. Of all the things that my neurological issues have taken...writing and actually being able to complete a thought...I miss the most. Some days my handwriting doesn't even look like my own. Some days I'll sit here, at my laptop, and start a blog...work on it for hours...go back and read it and it won't make any sense. 

I wrote this about 13 years ago, while I was on a road trip to New Mexico. I was married and that marriage was falling apart. I was struggling with my faith. I felt like a failure. For the first time, I realized I had lost so much of myself and the things that made me.."me" 

Sat face to face with God, 

in a bar in West Texas

Drinkin' whiskey and lime

we talked about life. 

He told me that I failed him, 

this I already knew. 

I've been walking that line

For some time. 

I have evil on my right side

and when I turn to the left

I have a mirror and smoke, 

where I once had a home. 

I don't know if I will ever be able to finish it...or if leaving it unfinished is how it needs to be. I still struggle with my faith and I still feel like a failure when it comes to relationships.